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Perfectionism! Woot!

Meep, i started writing these silly AuLus for the mere joy of getting something out, without any plan or pretext to make them great writing. But fyre bird just found a few weak spots in my very first Auron/Lulu lemon.

~ How did Auron know about Lady Ginnem? (Oo, that gives me an idea for another scene/conversation, prior to all this.)

~ Wouldn't Auron react a bit more strongly when Lu calls him on being dead? (I'm not sure. Auron brushed Seymour off with only an irritated snort, and when he told Tidus, he was actually a bit lighthearted about it. "Don't make that face. Being dead has its advantages." Auron has an odd mixture of gruffness, tightedassedness, irritability, and mellowness that makes him somewhat unpredictable. IHe seems laid back and incredibly levelheaded when everyone else is panicking. As a younger man, though, he appeared to be passionate and prone to outbursts. In short: I don't know, but I may make him a bit more obviously miffed.)

~ He gives in awfully easy. (That would be "because it's a lemon!". If I try to insert any sort of seduction, it breaks the flow of the dialogue which I most liked. Hm.)

But it's a good point. I think I'm stuck on #3. It's not that much of a stretch to have Lulu slip into seduction-mode; she's clearly got a sensual streak; Auron is so pragmatic it's hard to budge him. If anything, he'd be more likely to bond with her as a fellow Guardian and a human being, without even noticing she's sexy.

Oh well, it's just a lemon, but I would rather it be 100% natural, with no artificial ingredients! :D



Mar. 13th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC)
Hey don't get discouraged cause of me. I might be wrong about Auron too. I haven't read so deeply into FFX as I have some of the other games. So if your gut reaction is that he wouldn't think it is a big deal then you're likely right. You write very well. Also, you're right, it *is* a lemon. I should keep that in mind too!

Mar. 13th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
*grins* I may just say, "What the heck, it's a lemon!" and leave it as is, but if i can think of ways to improve it, i will. :) Your comments have already given me two ideas now!
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