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Final Fantasy I Playthrough (6)

Once again, thanks </a></b></a> to for inspiring this recap!

Final Fantasy I Playthrough past episodes: Intro | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Meta:
D&D roots of FF | Roleplay in Final Fantasy


[INTERLUDE]


D&D Otygh (also NeoOtygh)
-- hheeeey, I never noticed before that "Ochu" is just a Japanese transliteration of this classic D&D monster! Also, "Flan" is called"Black Pudding" -- another original D&D monster -- in Final Fantasy I!)

Rei: Hey, guys! Lookit what Bibi gave me -- a list of all the name changes between NES and PSX versions of this game.
Momo: Bad...man? MADPONY? Catman? Mancat? Oh, gosh, the NES translations are so goofy!
Nina: *looks pointedly at "Spoo"*
Spoo: *looks at how many monsters were ported straight from 1st ed D&D Monster Manual list*


_______

Final Fantasy I Recap, Episode 6: "Much in the Way That Bricks Don't"



Delighted with our pimped-out character classes, we go on a shopping spree...

Rei: Yeeah! I'm a NINJA WIZARD!
Nina: *sigh* Are you QUITE finished chewing through our gil?
Momo: NINJA WIZARDS! NINJA WIZARDS!
Spoo: *sends Prince pix of fabulous new duds*


Rei is eager to try out his new amazing Ninja powerz...

Rei: I SHALL THUNDER YOUR...wait? MP? Where's my MP? 8hit!
Nina: *Sigh* Let Spoo handle these, Rei.
Momo: WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!
Spoo: *slash, hack, smash*


Back in the Cheapskate Inn...

Rei: *mumble mumble* This had better work.
Nina: No promises, Rei, but we could all do with a good night's sleep. Hopefully you'll have some MP in the morning.
Momo: Nina, you realize we burn more on gas than we save by flying back to Cornelia every time?
Spoo: *dreams of Prince*


Unfortunately, Nina's guess is wrong. We head back to Onrac with a sulky Ninja...

Rei: Honor, Schmoner. Give me a Steal ability. Your king is a fraud. *pouts*
Nina: REI.
Momo: Can we go try out the leaky submarine now, please?
Spoo: *not complaining about HIS lack of MP*


"You...you have oxyale..." says Leaky Submarine Lass...

Momo: *hic* Right on, sister!
Nina: Maybe we'd better let Spoo drive this time.
Rei: Yeah, yeah. Let's go find us some mermaids. *mutter mutter*
Spoo: ...


Shortly...

Rei: Oh, hey, a bona-fide FMV. Pretty spiff.
Nina: If gratuitous.
Momo: FMV? You ain't seen nothing yet!
Spoo: .oO(You mean, like the ten minute long "Leviathan" summons in FFVIII?)


Commence dungeon crawl...

Rei: The heck is that?
Nina: Cid only knows. Let Spoo deal with it.
Momo: NUuuuuoooh! I have THUNDAGA and I'm BORED!
Spoo: *swishy slash bash*


A very long dungeon crawl, during which player's resolve not to use any kind of guide breaks down...

Rei: Heh. I love these troll guys with their hands over their ears: "OMFG! Lobsters, can't you keep it down?!!"
Momo: *whispers* Nina, is that a map in your pocket? How lazy can you get?
Nina: Shush. I wasted at least a day of my life mapping the twisty little passages in Zork.
Spoo: *crosses off Diamond Armor room and heads for next treasure chest*


Several floors later...

Rei: Okay, I'll give that taunt a five out of ten style points.
Momo: *whispers* Nina, why do you scuttle behind Spoo whenever we enter a battle?
Nina: Haven't you noticed the top slot gets targeted more than the rest?
Spoo: *damage sink*


Release the Kraken!

Rei: #%!%@ Ink. Can't see. Gimme some of what Momo's packing.
Nina: Patience, Rei.
Momo: BLAMMITY BLAM BLAM THUNDAGA!
Spoo: *flails blindly*


One more crystal restored...

Momo: ♪Roto-Looter, that's our name! And away go bosses down the drain!♫
Nina: Stop that.
Rei: So where's these mermaid babes we're supposed to be rescuing?
Spoo: *rusts*


After a quick stop in Onrac's swank and expensive inn...

Rei: Hot dog! I've got MP now that I've leveled up. I'm a Ninja Wizard!
Momo: *sniffs* Thunder? That's not going to do a heck of a lot.
Nina: Shush. Let Rei play.
Spoo: *mops up*


Rei chats up all the mermaids on the top floor...

Rei: Mine, too, babe! Pucker up!
Nina: *sigh*
Momo: Let's loot all the treasure while he's flirting.
Spoo: *hides face*


Several clues, treasure chests, and one gratuitous FMV later, we resurface...

Rei: So, what've we learned, class?
Nina: Mermaids are wet kissers.
Momo: *waves Rosetta Stone* I've got the plot coupon!
Spoo: .oO(The Prince is a better kisser)


We take the Rosetta Stone to the scholar in Melmond.

Rei: Lufenian?
Nina: We visited Lufenia ages ago, but I didn't feel like screencapping a bunch of mysterious npcs saying "oompa loompa."
Momo: Man, wish all my instructors could teach me a language in under five seconds.
Spoo: ...


After a looong overland trek, we reach Lufenia in the far east, where we can now automagically understand what the locals are saying...

Rei: Let me get this straight. You're the only folks on the planet with airship technology, but Lufenia's about 500 miles from the nearest safe spot to land an airship. I smell some kinda PR bull6hit.
Nina: Oh, no! Backstory Lass #4 says that some of the Kee Bats are really Lufenian warriors transformed by their old enemy!
Momo: This one says [In the PSX/iOS version] that the airship was built by one of their ancestors, Cid. Thought so!
Spoo: *picks up chime from priestess*


Plot coupon in hand, we head for a showdown at Mirage Tower in the middle of a vast desert...

Spoo: *ting-a-ling*
Rei: Avon calling!
Momo: Didn't that trick actually work in one of our old D&D campaigns?
Nina: Oddly enough, yes.


Bots put out the welcome mat...

Rei: Why's Spoo get to be "master"? He's nothing but a tank with legs.
Nina: Kindred spirit?
Momo: A robot! Can I take it home with me? Can I, can I?
Spoo: *pokes Rei*


As do monsters...

Rei: Ow owie ow ow whatcha screencapping that for?
Nina: I just want to remember how great FF monsters look when Squeenix artists stick to classic designs...
Momo: ...instead of going overboard with inappropriate numbers of eyes, missing heads, ginormous axes or weird metal bits bolted on.
Spoo: *sweatbeads*


At the top of the tower...

Momo: Captain Obvious Bot! I choose you!
Nina: Potions, everyone!
Rei: There better be some kinda reward at the end of this.
Spoo: *buckles swash*


Time to board another classic Final Fantasy locale in its very first incarnation...

Momo: Yay! It's got Bevelle/Esthar style boop-de-boop techno music!
Rei: You're probably the only sick person in the multiverses that actually likes Bevelle's Cloister of Trials.
Nina: Let's just prepare ourselves, shall we?
Spoo: *looks for dragon to slay*


Between battles, we take time for a little sightseeing...

Momo: I wanna see! I wanna see!
Rei: *Bleeerrgh* Ninjas don't like heights...
Nina: I could do with a spot of Mahdu about now.
Spoo: *taps foot*


A quick peek through the window reveals rolling lines of fire moving towards...

Rei: X marks the spot! Betcha there's treasure!
Nina: St. Indiana Jones says X never, ever marks the spot.
Momo: Boy, that northeastern continent really does look sorta like a plucked chicken, doesn't it?
Spoo: *wants a dragon he's allowed to pincushion, already!*


And at last, we meet our final Fiend...

Rei: *golf clap* Now there's a decent taunt. 'Bout time.
Nina: Don't get too cocky.
Momo: *readies THUNDAGA!*
Spoo: *checks hair*


...who proves to be quite a challenge...

Rei: ow ow ow Nina, you were s'posed to heal me BEFORE I keeled over! %#$@! gas breath attacks.
Nina: *prim* Thought you needed a lesson.
Momo: *whines* This is taking forever. My magic's like toothpaste on this puppy.
Spoo: *bash bash bash bash bash bash bash*


At last...

Rei: Piece o' cake!
Nina: Well done, Spoo.
Momo: When the going gets tough, Prettyboy gets tougher.
Spoo: *pant pant pant*


Once again, our dinky porta-crystals are put to good use...

Rei: Air Crystal restored! Where's our reward?
Momo: Ain't flyin' around in this big ol' floating fortress whatsit good enough for ya?
Nina: Wind Crystal. And we're not done yet, Rei.
Spoo: .oO(Time to go bug the Exposition Dudes!)


First, however, we haul the magicite adamantite we found in a treasure chest back to the Dwarves with Implausible Accents...

Rei: *grumble* I still think we shoulda sold that chunk o' rock.
Nina: You'll think otherwise the next time you're hiding behind Spoo.
Momo: Swords, ha. I can KEEL YOU ALL with my magics!
Spoo: *draws sword from stone with suitable flourish*


Spoo gives his new blade a whirl on the long trek to Lufenia and back...

Rei: *pout* Those Lufenians didn't give us a reward or nothin'.
Nina: We picked up a gazillion gil on the sky fortress. Stop grousing before I hit you with Thor's Hammer.
Momo: Rei got some sneaky ninja blade, Nina got that ridiculous hammer, and Spoo's got Excalibur. Did I miss a chest somewheres?
Spoo: *1000 damage hiyaaaaah*


Our doughty heroes pose before the last leg of their journey...

Rei: Think anyone'll notice if we steal all the crystals and sell 'em?
Nina: *EL KABONG*
Momo: Er... Rei? Rei? Out cold. Man, princess, you pack quite a punch.
Spoo: *goes off to take Prince to tea until Rei wakes up*



So the Warriors of Light gird themselves for the climax of their epic journey. Will there be cracktastic physics-defying landscapes? A Big Bad we've never heard of before? Time and space going plotz? Will Cid turn out to be the evil mastermind hell-bent on turning the planet into a giant theme park? Tune in next time to find out!

EDIT: The Grand Finale is now posted! Go there!


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