Helluin (auronlu) wrote,
Helluin
auronlu

final Fantasy I playthrough (5)

Once again, thanks to [community profile] moogle_university for inspiring this recap! Final Fantasy I Playthrough past episodes: Intro | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 Meta: D&D roots of FF [INTERLUDE] ______ Final Fantasy I Playthrough, Episode 5: "Ninja Wizards" Flush with the discovery of our shiny new airship, Momo embarks on a world tour at high velocity... Rei: *bleeerrrrrrgh* Nina: I thought only ninjas got airsick. Momo: *buzzing around like a caffeinated bee* What's that? And that? And oooooh, over there! Spoo: *hangs on for dear life* We fetch up in the town of Onrac on the NW continent. The first resident we meet is a bit odd... Rei: *dazed* Uh...look at your legs...sure thing, Bibi... Nina: Come again? Momo: Let's fly somewhere else. Spoo: *searches tea shop for Dramamine* Clues are acquired... Rei: His name is really Baggins, isn't it? Nina: Don't let Momo hear-- Momo: Something weird? Let's go buy it! Spoo: .oO(Hope it's not a ring.) "Foreshadowing, your key to quality literature..." Rei: Okay, this is starting to weird me out. Nina: I begin to sense a theme. Momo: What, are yours bionic? Cool! Spoo: ... This town is basically one big tips guide... Rei: Aha! Now I get it... mermaids! Let's try it! Nina: No, Rei. She says the barrel's not airtight. We'll drown. Momo: So? We're the Warriors of Light! We can walk on lava, so why can't we breathe underwater? Spoo: ... We meet a friendly dragon who looks awfully like Spoo's dragon form in BoF III... Rei: Hey. Didn't that opening FMV show Spoo fighting with a big, red dragon? This bloke seems awfully polite. Nina: Shhhhh! Tact, Rei. Momo: A Citadel of Trials sounds like fun! Especially if it's Bevelle...you know, all the boop de boop music with the techno panels and glyph spheres? Spoo: *moans softly* After collecting all clues, we head to a nearby waterfall mentioned by one of the villagers... Rei: Tell me again why we care that somebody saw "some kind of mechanical creature" down here? Nina: Do you need to ask? Momo: Giant robot! I knew we were missing something in this game! Spoo: ... After yet more Kee Bats and a mob of Nightmare horse monsters that "Snort" snot on us, we find the robot... Rei: Uh...sure...whatever...can I sell it? Nina: No, Rei. It's a plot coupon. We'll probably need it later. Momo: Robot! Wait! Don't self-destruct! I'll take you home and give you a nice oil bath and ... *sobs* Spoo: ... Fortified with Dramamine, we reboard the airship and eventually discover the village of Gaia far to the NE... Rei: Wow, these villagers hand out tons of plot clues just like in Onrac. Wish we could've come here sooner. Nina: YOU CAUGHT A FAERIE AND SOLD IT INTO SLAVERY? *STEAM COMES OUT OF EARS* Momo: Uh...oh... Nina was winged in our original gameverse, wasn't she? Spoo: *sweatbeads* Remarks from various villagers lead us to a desert caravan, where we discover the "something weird" that Underhill is selling... Rei: "Bottled faerie." Guess we're too late. Wonder what it tastes like? Nina: REI!!!!!!! Momo: Yipes. Let's, uh, take her back to Gaia, shall we? Spoo: ... Back in Gaia Village, Nina pops the cork... Rei: Yep, that's us! *thumps own chest* Nina: Like YOU cared what happened to the poor, defenseless little... Momo: Shush. Hey, look, she gave us a plot coupon. Something called "OxyAle." Betcha that'll help with the whole barrel-drowning-thingie. Spoo: ... However, on the way back to the gal with the leaky submarine, we get distracted among the Swiss Cheese Islands... Rei: Bally weird place for gophers. Nina: Whack-a-Mole Archepelago? Momo: Or maybe it's the Sea of Holes? ♪We all live in a barrel submarine...♬ Spoo: *facepalm* The holes prove to be Cosmo Canyon Mt. Gagazet Dragon Caves, inhabited by our token noble warrior nonhuman race... Rei: Honor? Does that come with a cash reward, by any chance? Nina: Rei... *sighs* Momo: Is this the Citadel of Trials thingie? Great! I'm good with puzzles! Spoo: *twirls sword hopefully* Unfortunately, we trip into a hole that is NOT a dragon cave on the next island over... Rei: Prince, huh? You mean Elfboy? Nina: Spoo, wait! I don't think this is the Citadel of Trials! Momo: Too late. Spoo: *dashes in, hoping to impress the prince* The sign over the door actually read, "Hellfire Chasm" ... Rei: Well, 6hit. Nina: It's one of those dratted bonus dungeons. Momo: Don't worry! We're the Warriors of Light! We're inflammable! Spoo: *still doesn't think that means what she thinks it means* Bizarrely, when we drag ourselves out of the heat and up a staircase, we find ourselves here... Rei: Huh? Well, you're not gettin' ours! Nina: The map still shows we're in Hellfire Chasm. Momo: Ooo! It's one of those TARDIS dungeons again! Spoo: *totally confused* We blunder around with our canoe, but... Rei: Guys, you do realize that we left the airship back in the Swiss Cheese Islands? Nina: And we're surrounded by mountains! I haven't seen a cave or hole or escape route anywhere, have you? Momo: Oh, well, something's bound to turn up... Spoo: ... In the unknown desert... Rei: What the? Nina: Well, we've tried everything else... Momo: LORD, SEND US AN AIRSHIP! HELP US IN OUR NEED, SAINT CID! Spoo: ... Cue dramatic Uematsu soundtrack... Rei: Well, don't that just beat all. Nina: *sighs* I'm not even going to try to figure out the laws of physics here. Momo: Aww, baby comes when it's called. Aren't you a good widdle airship? Yes, you are! Spoo: ... After flying around for a bit, we discover a suspicious hole... Rei: Does that lead where I think it leads? Nina: Most likely. Momo: Time and Random Bonus Dungeons in Space! It's a TARBDIS! Spoo: ... Back in the land of lava tunnels, we find the Blue Flame of Optional Bonus Bossdom... Rei: Oh, well, at least the gloating's cute. Nina: Scarmiglione. From FFIV, right? Momo: This isn't gonna be pretty, is it? Spoo: *twirls sword* One tough boss battle later... Rei: We did it! We actually beat the sucker! Nina: Well done, everybody! Momo: PHEAR THE POWER OF MY ALMIGHTY THUNDAGA! Spoo: *acrobatic hair flip, strikes a pose* However... Rei: Um...guys? He's still gloating... Nina: I have a bad feeling about this. Momo: INCOMING! Spoo: *For the PRINCE!* Here we go again... Rei: Well, 8hit. Nina: *Diaga!* *Diaga*! Momo: *burns through masses of MP* Spoo: *expires nobly* Defeated, our heroes wake up groggy and bruised, back in the Swiss Cheese Islands... Rei: Man, what a hangover. Must've been some party... Nina: *groans* I hate random bonus dungeons. Momo: MEDIC! Spoo: ... After flying back to the Inner Sea to restock supplies and take a well-earned rest at Cornelia Inn... Rei: Break out the 'smores, and let's go camping! Nina: Why are the important dungeons always ten jillion miles from any landing place and in the middle of a swamp? Momo: Citadel of Trials, here we come! Spoo: ... Inside... Rei: Uhhh... this throne we're supposed to sit on... is it gonna burn our tushies? Nina: Rei, you really aren't very good at this "courage" business. Momo: *sits on throne* *transporter sparkle* Whee! WHEE! WHEE! Teleport pad maze! It's even better than Bevelle's! I'm totally loooooost! Let's do the timewarp agaiiiiiin! Spoo: *dizzy* After a breezy hour of random teleportation, monster battles and getting snorted on by half a dozen Night Mares... Rei: *looks in chest* That's our prize? Spoo: ... Momo: ... Nina: *weakly* Didn't some dragon say it might not be what we'd expect? Rei: So are you gonna tell the audience what's in there? Nina: I...forgot to take a screencap. Momo: Nice excuse. We return our Dungeon Completion Token to King Bahamut... Rei: *puffs chest* Yep! Call me Rei van Ratsbane! Nina: *stares* Momo: Probably not a coincidence. FFXII is chock-full of callouts to old Final Fantasy games. Spoo: *hopes prince hears about this* Rei: Er... that was just a joke, your Highness. Actually, I'd really like to be called NINJA WIZARD! Nina: *perks up* Hey, settle down, Rei. I think we've just stumbled upon... Momo: "TAKE A LEVEL IN BADASS" TIME! Spoo: *flexes* *shimmery flash* Spoo: *looks fabulous* Momo: Hey, wow, I'm a wizard! Nina: I'm a wizard, too! Rei: But you're not a ninja! *dances around* I'm a Ninja! Thief skills suck. But I'm a @%$@# NINJA! We'll leave Rei to celebrate his new badassitude. Tune in next time, when we attempt to locate more Crystals to reboot! UPDATE: Part 6 is posted. Go here to carry on the glorious quest!
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Tags: f: ffi, stuff: playthrough
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