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In discussing a mutual obsession with Sissy, I have come up with an AU plotline for Final Fantasy XIII which would've made the endgame more satisfying and fixed at least one problem that probably jumped out as a sore point for most game players, even those who are not in any way hung up on Paula Tiso.

You see, Col. Nabaat saunters in as Promisingly Evil Villain ... and then...poof. Fizzle. Pop. Her good scenes wind up on the cutting room floor, she dies without even getting in ONE good boss battle, and, indignity of all indignities, her penultimate scene is skittering around on the bridge looking helpless and silly, babbling something about red alerts and purple alerts and green with pink polka dot alerts. As I mentioned to Sissy, it's about the worst piece of scriptwriting Ms. Tiso has had to try to make convincing since "I...AM...AN...OCTOPUS!"

It's so sad. Col. Nabaat was building up to be a sexy evil mastermind, and then she gets Tasha Yar'd. After which, we're stuck with the fricking HIEROPHANT from the Tarot Deck as our chief villain for most of the game, who is teeth-grindingly irritating. As the personification of the patriarchy, his irritant factor is appropriate, but I still get so sick of him.

Then there's the endgame boss battles, in which we have to fight the Bigger Bad (a trope that has a tendency to fall flat: see, for example, Yu Yevon the Tick). First, we get this Unholy Trinity: Barthandalus the Hierophant fused with a random feminine figure who appears to resemble his hench-owl (Menrva, some sort of Clash of the Titans Athena reference), and the child, Orphan, between them. In End Battle Phase II, we kill mum and dad, and the child becomes the uholy brat from hell. Okay. So these are Fal'Cie, and they're the God/Trinity of this universe, and they're evil so we must kill God (again). Got it.

But...but...Eden. The Owl. Menrva.

We really haven't any idea what that character is like. (I'm not really sure whether they're the same character, and/or whether they're the female figure in the penultimate boss battle, but I think they/she/it is).

Barthandalus was using a human disguise, Primarch Dysley, to rule and guide the human population.

So, Colonel Nabaat should have been the human disguise for the Fal'Cie Eden, sometimes manifesting as that annoying owl. The queen on the chessboard, flying all over the place and administering whupass as needed while the Primarch stayed rooked up in his castle. (This also has the advantage that we would have Paula Tiso / Jihl, rather than Dysley, gloating at us down on the planet, since that Barthandalus scene in Oerba was about one Barthandalus scene too many.)

And that whole red alert / ultramarine alert scene was just an embarrassing case of paradox. So, let's go back in time and fix that timeline to ensure that Col. Nabaat stays true to her competent evil mastermind archetype, including a few boss battles with Paula Tiso taunting us in that way she does so well. Pretty please?

This entry was originally posted at http://auronlu.dreamwidth.org/196594.html, where it has comment count unavailablecomments.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 18th, 2012 08:36 am (UTC)
I'm pretty sure I fucking love you right now. This. A thousand times this. All of it.
Jun. 9th, 2012 05:27 pm (UTC)
Lurking like a creep to say I really never understood why Nabaat wasn't some sort of secret Fal'Cie like the Primarch, especially since in the beginning of the game she seemed like she was SUPPOSED to be his right-hand womyn. And then the "STUPID HUMAN EAT RUIN!" thing happened and I cried on the inside.

Also, "we're stuck with the fricking HIEROPHANT from the Tarot Deck as our chief villain for most of the game" is the funniest description ever.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
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