February 17th, 2013

Yuna's Final Aeon

Are you REALLY a good witch? (Wizard of Oz)

This article on Cracked nearly completely ruins its point from the start with an Alzheimer's joke (wtf?!), yet despite that screw-up, it makes a very compelling case for Glinda the Good Witch being Glinda the Evil Mastermind in the original Wizard of Oz movie.

Recap:
  • Glinda breezes in to ask Dorothy if she's a good witch or a bad witch, since only a witch would've had the power to off the Witch of the East— but wait,  D. has no magic, so just whose magic was steering that house, anyway? HMMM?
  • Glinda helps make sure it's known by all and sundry that Dorothy Did It. She especially makes sure that the Witch of the West believes this.
  • Glinda mockingly uses magic to despoil the corpse and superglue the WotE's ruby slippers to Dorothy's feet right under the nose of the Witch of the West, who is next of kin. This is fair? 
  • Glinda taunts the WotW that she can't harm Dorothy in Munchkinland because REASONS.
  • After goading the WotW into an impotent rage, Glinda instructs Dorothy to leave Munchkinland, the one place where the WotW can't harm her, to seek out the Wizard of Oz, who will be able to send her back to Kansas FOR REELZ.
  • So Dorothy is sent out on a quest where, sooner or later, the WotW will catch her, and then it will be To the Death for one of them. (But the ruby slippers, Glinda says, grant some protection to Dorothy, so WotW is the more likely victim). 
  • Surprise! The Wizard of Oz's price for help is that Dorothy must kill the WotW. (Well, really, to steal her broom, but as the Scarecrow says, the only way is to kill her.) Suspicion: Glinda is pulling the wizard's strings, too.
  • So, after Dorothy has pulled off the assassination, it turns out that Glinda lied; the wizard can't really send Dorothy back.
  • Glinda says, "Ha ha, actually, you didn't need to go on this hero quest at all; you just needed to tap your heels to go straight home." Which she knew all along, but said she didn't tell Dorothy because "she wouldn't have believed me."
  • So now the other witches are dead, the wizard is discredited and flees the country, and Glinda has the reins of power! All shall love her and despair! Bwaahahaha! (And I suppose we hear nothing of the Witch of the South because she has wisely gone into hiding.) 
I still like Tin Man's take on Oz better than any other (and I should watch it again... loved Zooey Dewhatsit in that before she became a star, go me). But I also like the above interpretation, since we all sensed even when we were kids that Glinda's beautiful:good::ugly:evil BS was a pile of carp. 
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