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Sometimes it shows...

Looking over mneme_forgets's thorough critique, a few things jumped out. Sometimes I'm being too clever or odd. I get puzzling ideas that don't necessarily make sense and play them for the imagery or drama. For example, having Auron's appearance being somewhat malleable and tied to his powers of concentration, so that he might slip. Another is my thought to explain why we don't have to use softs or remedies to fix status changes after battle: toxins are part of the body of the Fiend, and dissipate when it's Sent. (This is absolutely crucial for the plot I'm writing.) Finally, I'm not actually certain about Auron's lack of a pulse, though people seem to buy it. He most definitely is breathing in the game. Breath and heartbeat are related functions. However, it's symbolic, and it's no more likely that any of them could trek all over Spira without backpacks or warm weather gear.

I'm still a bit wobbly about writing sex, but considering my lack of experience in writing it, or for that matter in doing it, at least when it comes to het-- yeah. Practice seems in order. Take that as you will.

The thing that people notice most about my writing, for which I'm glad: I can write combat. For almost ten years every night, I roleplayed in an online, realtime, text-based RPG where most of the players were perfectionist in their writing, and that helped inspire me to polish my own battle-prose. The posts came fast and furious, almost at the speed of converation. I played a theurge, a seer and shamanic figure. Her power had more to do with healing and spirits than offensive magic; nevertheless, I had a lot of time to observe others using more devastating spells, and in spirit combat, one gets used to turning out twists of phrase to make the stones shake. Fire, thunder, blood, broken bones, the crash of a loved one's body falling beside yours and not having time to stop and see if he's alive or dead -- oh yes, I've had a lot of practice with supernatural battle.

Also, my old alter ego's skill with the spiritual side of her world means that I tend to see many things in terms of energies, currents, the soul or power or music beneath the surface. Lulu's magic is very beautiful to me. It's like poetry. Both are creation from the depths of the heart, a glimpse into the soul's inner crucible made visible by the power of art.


As a side note, to any excellent writers out there: yes, I know, I'm infected with commas so much that my writing's rhythm tends to sound like Bill Shatner. I try to kill them in my polished prose, but it's one of my quirks that I have a hard time ironing out.


Oddly, it pleases me that my readers found 3 typos/spelling errors. It points to my bad habit of using nothing more than my own skill for spellchecking and grammar. It's arrogant, it's lazy, but 3 or so mistakes in about twenty thousand words isn't too bad.

 

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
mneme_forgets
Apr. 8th, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC)
No, actually I think that the way you describe Auron's appearance changing is quite well done and interesting. I was confused at first, but it became clearer as I read more. I do like the idea of the toxins taking a little while to wear off after a battle. It's an interesting combination of gameplay and reality.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
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